Year 49

As I sit and write this, the day after a surprise, all day trip to the emergency room, I find myself more than a little reflective, a touch sentimental.

For a Gen X Kid, who had a childhood filled with as much hurt, sorrow and abandonment as mine was, I look at the journey of my life and find myself amazed. Here I sit, happily married (celebrating 27 years this year) and father to a couple of knucklehead sons (21 and 13 this year).

it's truly, wonderfully unbelievable.

But it's real. And I am grateful, especially after the aforementioned sojourn in the ER. Thankfully things are fine (more than fine, to be honest), but being in that situation was a wakeup call of sorts. I was raised, and honestly I am built, to prioritize my family over myself. Everything I do, think and say is always predicated upon

And look, I have no problem with that.

I'm a caveman at my core, an evolved one to the best of my ability, but a caveman nonetheless. I am wired to protect the family group. The issue with this is that at some point along the way, I forgot that to take care of them, I need to take care of me.

Hell, I might never have known it, but when you are in your 20s and 30s you are invincible, so it doesn't really matter, you know?

Careening headlong into the twilight of your 40s, staring down half a century, and spending the day in the ER prompt... clarity. And with that clarity you realize it matters... it really, really matters.

So yeah, I am going into my 49th year with a more sober and me focused view of life. Not to the detriment of my family, but for their benefit. The longer I am hale and healthy, the longer I can guide, love and protect. I want to annoy the crap out of my sons for years to come, and the only way I can do that is to make sure that I am here for years and decades to come.

So that's what I'm doing. I just wish it hadn't take this long to get here.